Review of DID I EVER TELL YOU? by Genevieve Kingston

 3.5 Stars

I don’t especially enjoy memoirs and read this one only because it was chosen by my book club. I hate reviewing the genre because any criticism can seem like a disparagement of the writer’s experiences.

When the author, known as Gwenny or Gwen, was three, her mother Kristina was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer metastasized and the prognoses became more dire, but she survived for eight more years. She leaves behind a box full of gifts and letters for each birthday until the age of 30 as well as major life milestones. These tokens give Gwen a connection to her mother, but also allow her to learn about her.

She also continues to understand her mother through the stories shared by Kristina’s friends: “’Did I ever tell you . . . ?’ they’d begin, and I’d have one more memory to add to my collection.” In the end she comes to see her mother as an individual with a life separate from her children and her illness.

The book is a testament to a mother’s love which is stronger than death. I can’t imagine being Kristina: experiencing physical and emotional pain knowing that death is looming. Then there’s the act of choosing gifts and writing letters to her son and daughter; despite her personal anguish, she has “an overwhelming desire to comfort and protect.”

Kristina’s message to her daughter is to know yourself, love yourself, and remain true to yourself. And the message to the reader seems to be to collect and hold memories of loved ones. But, actually, the most impactful statement for me is a comment about a man’s death by suicide. Gwen mentions that her mother fought so hard to live and the aunt replies, “’there’s no reason to think that he did not fight just as valiantly.’”

I loved that photos of the gifts Gwen received are included. What I would have liked, however, is to know more about the gifts and letters Jamie, Gwen’s brother, received. The only gift specifically mentioned is an engagement ring. Of course, the fact that Gwen is an extrovert and Jamie is an introvert explains why she, not her brother, wrote a book.

This is a heavy read. From the beginning it is sad, and there is little to relieve that sadness. Parts of it are repetitive – Kristina’s anguish and Gwen’s grief – but, undoubtedly, anyone who has lost a parent will relate to at least parts of the memoir.